On Labor Day 2011 my definition and understanding of family began to change for me.
I grew up in a blended family long before it became common. My older brother’s father died when he was a toddler. My father abandoned my mother before I was born and I grew up knowing nothing about him. My younger brother’s father is the man who raised me and is one of the finest men I know. (My mom and “dad” will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this November!)
We were a family with three boys with the same mother; different fathers and different last names. Believe it or not, that was quite uncommon in the 1960s.
Growing up I never spent a lot of time wondering about my biological father. It didn’t seem that important to me. After I married and became an adoptive dad, I realized how difficult it is growing up with no knowledge of family history, medical history and the like. Not only did I have to leave the family history section of medical forms blank for my children, I had to do the same for me. The family “tree” assignments in elementary school only added to the mystery.
In 2004, I began a search that resulted in getting most of the legal documents that I needed to try to locate my biological father. My major motivation was to obtain medical history, as my mother battled breast cancer and other health issues. I used an internet “people search” service that provided 5 names and addresses that met my search criteria. I sent 5 letters; 4 were returned. One letter was never returned and I filed the information away for another day.
Through the years, Sharna and I have had conversations about the very real possibility that my biological father could have remarried and had children that would be my half-siblings.
Last Monday (Labor Day 2011) that possibility became reality.
Sharna and I had gone to Abilene for a Labor Day getaway. After breakfast, I received two Facebook messages asking if I had ever wondered if I had any paternal relatives. They had reason to believe that I was their cousin and brother respectively. I VERY cautiously responded by stating that I knew little about my biological father and family, but I was curious about what they knew. From my initial search in 2004, I knew enough to determine whether the information they would provide was accurate or a scam.
The response I received was stunning to say the least.
My biological father left his family in western Tennessee in the 1950s and joined the Air Force. He was stationed at Cannon Air Force base in Clovis, New Mexico. After his discharge from the military, he worked for the railroad. He met and married my mother, but left after she became pregnant. After some intriguing legal proceedings they were divorced and the story appears to end.
As time went on, my father married, had 3 children, was divorced from their mother and continued his life. He never told them about his family in Tennessee or about a son in New Mexico. In 1994, they received a phone call from a cousin who told them that she had promised her grandmother that she would find her son and reunite him with the family if possible. It was at that time that 3 siblings learned that they had an older brother. They learned that their grandmother longed for the day when her son would return and she would be able to meet her grandson. She did not live to see that accomplished, but her granddaughter kept her promise.
Through the years, the siblings talked often of finding their brother, but did not really know how to go about it. They did not have a lot of information to go on, just my name. They weren’t sure they my name was the same. The possibility existed that my dad had adopted me and changed my name. (He seriously considered that, but determined that I was entitled to my own identity and my name.)
Last Sunday (9-4-11), the subject came up once again and one of them mentioned that just about everyone is on Facebook and that I might be as well. They entered my name, sorted through the results and saw my picture! They saw that my hometown is Clovis, New Mexico and knew that they had found me.
Since then, I have learned that along with the 2 brothers that I grew up with, I have 2 sisters and a brother, that my biological father is alive and well, and that I have lots of family in Tennessee.
I have talked with my sisters and hope to talk with my brother soon. I haven’t talked with my father yet as I am still trying to process everything. I am certain that I will travel to the midwest in the near future to meet them.
What does the future hold? Certainly, nothing changes in regards to the family that supported, nurtured and cared for me for 54 years. I love and care for them as I always have.
I am enjoying getting to know the sisters, brothers and cousins that I never knew I had.
I look forward to meeting my father and getting to know and understand him. Like others of the James Dean era, I understand that he sought to live life on his own terms, even if that caused disappointment and heartache. Personal responsibility and accountability are such a huge part of who I am. I struggle with understanding why he would make the choices he made. Perhaps we can learn from each other.
I am humbled by the knowledge that my cousins and siblings sought to find me even though I wasn’t aware that I was lost. I am overwhelmed by their excitement and desire to know me. I’m amazed that I had a grandmother who expressed her love for me to others even though she knew nothing about me and never would.
Someone whom I admire and appreciate posted the following on her Facebook page a day or so ago: "It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man." - Psalm 118:8 Sometimes things happen in life that we just don't understand. But then God's bigger plan is revealed.
I’m not sure what God’s bigger plan in all of this is, but I’m glad that I get to be a part of it and look forward to seeing it come to fruition.
The past week has been quite a roller coaster ride. It has been good therapy for me to get the story as I understand it in writing. I’ll do my best to keep you up to date.
Keith Alan Gibbons (Rev. Elvis)
I grew up in a blended family long before it became common. My older brother’s father died when he was a toddler. My father abandoned my mother before I was born and I grew up knowing nothing about him. My younger brother’s father is the man who raised me and is one of the finest men I know. (My mom and “dad” will celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary this November!)
We were a family with three boys with the same mother; different fathers and different last names. Believe it or not, that was quite uncommon in the 1960s.
Growing up I never spent a lot of time wondering about my biological father. It didn’t seem that important to me. After I married and became an adoptive dad, I realized how difficult it is growing up with no knowledge of family history, medical history and the like. Not only did I have to leave the family history section of medical forms blank for my children, I had to do the same for me. The family “tree” assignments in elementary school only added to the mystery.
In 2004, I began a search that resulted in getting most of the legal documents that I needed to try to locate my biological father. My major motivation was to obtain medical history, as my mother battled breast cancer and other health issues. I used an internet “people search” service that provided 5 names and addresses that met my search criteria. I sent 5 letters; 4 were returned. One letter was never returned and I filed the information away for another day.
Through the years, Sharna and I have had conversations about the very real possibility that my biological father could have remarried and had children that would be my half-siblings.
Last Monday (Labor Day 2011) that possibility became reality.
Sharna and I had gone to Abilene for a Labor Day getaway. After breakfast, I received two Facebook messages asking if I had ever wondered if I had any paternal relatives. They had reason to believe that I was their cousin and brother respectively. I VERY cautiously responded by stating that I knew little about my biological father and family, but I was curious about what they knew. From my initial search in 2004, I knew enough to determine whether the information they would provide was accurate or a scam.
The response I received was stunning to say the least.
My biological father left his family in western Tennessee in the 1950s and joined the Air Force. He was stationed at Cannon Air Force base in Clovis, New Mexico. After his discharge from the military, he worked for the railroad. He met and married my mother, but left after she became pregnant. After some intriguing legal proceedings they were divorced and the story appears to end.
As time went on, my father married, had 3 children, was divorced from their mother and continued his life. He never told them about his family in Tennessee or about a son in New Mexico. In 1994, they received a phone call from a cousin who told them that she had promised her grandmother that she would find her son and reunite him with the family if possible. It was at that time that 3 siblings learned that they had an older brother. They learned that their grandmother longed for the day when her son would return and she would be able to meet her grandson. She did not live to see that accomplished, but her granddaughter kept her promise.
Through the years, the siblings talked often of finding their brother, but did not really know how to go about it. They did not have a lot of information to go on, just my name. They weren’t sure they my name was the same. The possibility existed that my dad had adopted me and changed my name. (He seriously considered that, but determined that I was entitled to my own identity and my name.)
Last Sunday (9-4-11), the subject came up once again and one of them mentioned that just about everyone is on Facebook and that I might be as well. They entered my name, sorted through the results and saw my picture! They saw that my hometown is Clovis, New Mexico and knew that they had found me.
Since then, I have learned that along with the 2 brothers that I grew up with, I have 2 sisters and a brother, that my biological father is alive and well, and that I have lots of family in Tennessee.
I have talked with my sisters and hope to talk with my brother soon. I haven’t talked with my father yet as I am still trying to process everything. I am certain that I will travel to the midwest in the near future to meet them.
What does the future hold? Certainly, nothing changes in regards to the family that supported, nurtured and cared for me for 54 years. I love and care for them as I always have.
I am enjoying getting to know the sisters, brothers and cousins that I never knew I had.
I look forward to meeting my father and getting to know and understand him. Like others of the James Dean era, I understand that he sought to live life on his own terms, even if that caused disappointment and heartache. Personal responsibility and accountability are such a huge part of who I am. I struggle with understanding why he would make the choices he made. Perhaps we can learn from each other.
I am humbled by the knowledge that my cousins and siblings sought to find me even though I wasn’t aware that I was lost. I am overwhelmed by their excitement and desire to know me. I’m amazed that I had a grandmother who expressed her love for me to others even though she knew nothing about me and never would.
Someone whom I admire and appreciate posted the following on her Facebook page a day or so ago: "It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man." - Psalm 118:8 Sometimes things happen in life that we just don't understand. But then God's bigger plan is revealed.
I’m not sure what God’s bigger plan in all of this is, but I’m glad that I get to be a part of it and look forward to seeing it come to fruition.
The past week has been quite a roller coaster ride. It has been good therapy for me to get the story as I understand it in writing. I’ll do my best to keep you up to date.
Keith Alan Gibbons (Rev. Elvis)
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